I put my big girl pants on and went for it. I did sooo good I’m already done and flying solo and I get to go to the 23-09 shift!  (There is sarcasm in there) It was a big decision, because I will probably never dispatch again, but it was an open door and it came at the right time.

Some days it really sucks.

I’ve been called a bitch, been screamed at, my work ‘friends’ stopped inviting me to things and I’ve been made into a show on more than one occasion in front of other employees.   But I do like to think that those people who rush at me when I first walk in, because they waited for me to ask for help…is a good sign (and those people who act like a**holes are just miserable all around and not anymore unhappy because of my existence).

My social awkwardness is improving, which I’m counting as a win, because of all the uncomfortable conversations and encounters I’ve now been thrust into. I’ve been in my boss’s office more in the past few months than in the past 8 years and I stopped bursting into tears just opening the door (another win).

All in all I’m getting there.  I remind myself everyday of all the things I have to be grateful for, make sure I wash the bare essentials and roll into the office with a good attitude.

Ahh I’m married!!!  I have had several co-workers now come up to me and tell me I look much better, now that all the stress is over. 19 days off does the body good and as amazing as the day was, I feel like I can ‘resume normal life’  now.   Looking back, it really was the greatest five hours of my life, even if everything leading it up it was a horrendous, comedy of errors.  Here is a compiled list of all the WTF moments leading up to the day:

• I get shingles!! Because what stressed out bride doesn’t want a painful burning rash
• Mr. Formal where my grooms clothes are, floods the day they had to pick stuff up
• Cat pooped on my wedding dress (Not even making that up)
• Stung by the biggest wasp I’ve ever seen…from my own flower arrangement
• Shuttle vendor goes out of business and takes off with all our money 4 days before the wedding
• Gained weight (I lied to both my mom and personal trainer about this one)
• My first sash that came in the mail was black
• Hit by an uninsured driver the morning of my bachelorette party
  • Fast forward-get the most awkward lap dance by someone who looks exactly like my brother…in front of my mom and MIL

After everything though the day came and I walked down the aisle bawling my eyes out.  It really was the most amazing day of my life.  The only regret I had was not getting a big mac the night of and taking a picture with it in my wedding dress…instead I was partying until 4am, room hopping at the Quality Inn, barefoot and refusing to take my dress off with a bottle of champs in hand.  It was epic.

Now my house looks like a tornado came through, filled with mountains of wedding crap.  I have had a years worth of pinteresting my dream wedding and crafting my little heart and now it’s all just strewn about in my living room (along with 5lbs of pulled pork and a case of wine).

It can’t get any better.

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything and I’m 34 days from my wedding, so why not add one more project to work on??

This past weekend we had my bridal shower and it was amazing!  There were a few little bumps, but that is to be expected.  There was the friend who gets too drunk and says inappropriate things while sitting next to my great aunt.  The family member who is offended by everything, my mom whose face turned red as I opened up lingerie from people and the friend who is on the verge of a meltdown.

My former best friend has not talked to me now in four months, she just could not be happy about my future nuptials and was trying to railroad mine with her own shot gun event…it made me crazy. And she deleted me on Facebook…we all know $hit gets real then (how sad).

As things get closer to the big day my emotions are running on high.  I’ve been working more than ever, coaching at work, I have a promotion coming up within the past few months and I’m so sick of the gym and eating chicken. I cried at the gym last week…it was so embarrassing!!! My trainer just stared at me awkwardly not knowing what to do, we were in the muscle man weight side of the gym and I looked like some chubby bride, wailing using her sweat towel to wipe up snot (she had just made me get on the scale).

Sigh.

I went back and showed face though the next day!

Below is a photo from last weekend, when we ‘Went to the Derby’ for my Bridal Shower.

I will be the first to admit summer is kicking my ass. Work is crazy, my desire to go to the gym is at a negative 10 and if my fiancé sees me lay in front of the window air conditioning unit one more time…in my underwear…eating an entire bag of smart pop all by myself…well pretty soon he’s bound to say something.

All the work I put in, losing 32 pounds is slowly slipping away, so it’s time to ‘Bye Felicia’ and reality check myself.  I’m going to be super depressed if in April I’m at the altar with cankles and a new neck roll, so I need to quit casually hanging out near the BBQ buffet table and slide over towards the water fountain.  (Note to self in the next week, come up with a scheduled game plan to tackle the forever thorn in my butt that is my weight while not compromising beer intake.  Reasonable right?)

Other news-  Wedding plans are coming along smoothly.  I’m winning in the battle against the cheapest man alive and so far have the important stuff done: cake, beer and music.  It is a tedious process filled with lots of charts, e-mails, persuasive smiles and pleading, but I have a vision and I see light at the end of the tunnel.

Also operation bridesmaid is still on the backburner.  I’m indecisive, care too much about hurting peoples feelings and lets face it, being an adult woman is just one factor that makes not only have one good quality friend hard to maintain, but let alone several.

Hot Dog + Hot Dog Momma + Beer = Summer Survival Plan (So Far)

First blog post!!  This has been a project of mine I’ve been wanting to start for a long time, but was just too intimidated to get my feet wet and jump in and just do it.

Where I stand today:  I got engaged in February, I recently lost 30lbs, I am a workaholic and I probably come off as the crazy dog lady to my peers.  I’m still overweight, my success rate on pinterest is about 50% and my past dating life could be summed up as a train wreck….but I love food, I love to craft and I love the life I’ve created with my fiancé.  My priorities in life are not fucking up my relationship, not going crazy at work and maintaining my eye lashes (they’re fake and just about the only hair on my body that I attempt to manage regularly).  I have a fairly big family, with a lot of baby mommas and daddies (parents have been divorced several times) and 2.5 brothers.  I love all of them, have major guilt that I don’t spend enough time with them and I wonder everyday how they turned out the way they did…both the good and the bad.

I have found the love of my life.  A feat that no one really thought was ever going to happen.  I’m about 75% confident my mother was waiting for me to walk in the door one day and confess I was a lesbian, purely because I never brought a man home, nor did I keep any of them around in my life to talk about for more than a few weeks.  This one though was a doozy, our love story is both inappropriate and by chance.  I had met Prince Charming when I was a whopping 19 years old…in my prime partying years.  I had newly discovered alcohol, I made out with any boy with a pulse who blinked my way and I had the best party partner around, who boosted my party confidence through the roof (hence leading to the wide variety of stupid stories I’m sure are soon to follow).  It was at a Def Leopard I met my man, in the middle of summer on a theatre lawn in 90 degree weather.  I was sweating, and dancing and flirting my little heart out.  Which led to a tumultuous few months of aggressive text flirting, late night rendezvous and a grown up woman tantrum, because he wouldn’t ‘date me.’  Fast forward 6 years later, prince charming had been long forgotten and a mere story of the past attached to ‘a list of stupid things I had done.’  When to my surprise on the ol’ Facebook I get a friend request from some interesting looking fella who I had no idea who it was.  It was him!!! Wham, bam, zam, a year later we are engaged. The end.

He loves my stupid humor, he loves me just as much as he did 40lbs ago, and he is an enabler of my funyon addiction…oh and he loves my dog almost as much as I do.

“I am the exception, not the rule“